1.4 Water Under the Bridge
Previously on Stumptown.
jules kicks dairon's butt
misfits went to a party
haunted by the past
And now...
Brian James Tells His Side of the Story
Ok, so Jules and me are talking about how to kill vampires when Rae... ugh. That's one thing with this crew is that they all have some crazy names that are really hard to spell, so I'm gonna spell it like I say it and go with Ray, Darren, and Jules.
Oh, yeah so Ray starts shouting something from down there under the bridge. Darren jumps up and runs down there so Jules and me follow. Jules, she's really fast, and she gets there first. All we see is a bunch of crappy-looking people staring at Ray. Ray's on the ground and she's all freaking out! She keeps saying, "It's wrong, it's wrong!"
Well, there was a lot of wrong things down there, mostly the bad smells from the people. I picked up Ray and carried her back up to the van. Ray is really tiny. She keeps hitting me and yelling out stuff, but it's not like she's gonna hurt me, is it? So I get her back up to the van and Alec (ok, how is it that Alec's from another country but I can still spell his name, but I can't spell Ray's and Darren's without a cheat sheet?) calms her down.
I guess Jules knew some of the people under the bridge, and she was talking with them for a while. I saw someone else under the bridge, so I went to talk with her. Except she wouldn't talk, and she walked away. So I followed this girl and she just walks through me. I know I see dead people and shit all the time, but it still makes me sick when they walk through me. It's like that movie, y'know? With the dead people?
So I follow this dead girl down to the water, and there's this whole group of dead girls there. None of them will talk to me, so that's even more proof that they're dead. Plus, I can kinda see through them. They're looking like some of them have been dead for a long time, because they're even more see through and they look like native Americans. Then they all walk right into the water and I can't see them anymore.
Jules and Darren have been keeping an eye on the homeless people who were all under the bridge, and I guess they have it figured out who's the man in charge. Ray went down there again and is shouting something at this guy, who looks like he's 50 but everyone says he's about 25. He tells her she's nuts and tells Jules and the gang to go away. That's when I walk past and stare down his whole posse at the same time. I've got my Easton and they know they can't take me. I tell them to stay away from the girls and leave them mopping up their piss.
So we all leave, except Darren who's keeping an eye on things. Ray's really upset, because she says she had a vision about some girl getting set on fire. I did see a bunch of ghosts down there, and some real strange shit has been going down the last two weeks, so I'm gonna believe her. Besides, she was the first person to believe that I see dead people.
Alec and Jules are going to stay with Darren and watch the guys that Ray was all pissed at. Alec takes us in his van so I can get my car and take Ray home, and so he can get grub and probably some more tea. I tell Jules that she should come to prom, because she's not a student so they can't expel or suspend her for bringing any good shit in. Both Jules and Ray are like, "can you imagine me at prom?" But if Jules would clean up and if they both tried to be more normal they could totally be part of the crowd. I even told Ray she could probably be a cheerleader. Jules I can see turning into a hot tennis chick.
Ray's just 15 and she's piss-scared of her parents still, and she's all nervous about coming in after midnight. So I drive her home and we're talking about how I can tell her parents that we're going out so they'll be ok. Ray acted like that was a big deal but it's no big thing. I've taken girls home late lots of times and I know how to be. I told Ray that, you know, to make her feel better but it just seemed to get her upset again.
Ok, here's the deal about talking to a chick's parents. The most important thing to know is that they are happy that their daughter is dating me. The dad knows she's not doing some geek, and her mom's jealous and remembers dating a guy like me back in the day. That's why I don't sweat it. I just come in and tell them how it is, but you got to put on a show and be polite. Make the dad feel like he's still in charge. Everyone's happy.
But Ray's parents were sleeping, so she just walked right in. That was kind of good, because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to kiss Ray goodnight or not. Girls kind of expect that when you take them home, but I'm never really sure until I do it.
All night long, it's Jules and Darren and Alec taking turns watching under the bridge while the other two sleep in the van. I bet Alec was too uptight to stay alone in the van with Jules. He was so doing that other slayer who got killed, everyone knows it! That's why he's so uptight around Jules. I guess some time in the night Darren and Jules go for a joyride and Alec gets all pissed. Anyway, when Alec wakes up Darren and Jules are gone. Turns out that they decide to break in to a building that they saw this homeless witch leader guy go into.
They use a back window to get into the building and find a trap door in the floor. This door goes to some kind of crawlspace, and there's a weird hole in the floor. Anyway, they get jacked. More about that later.
So in the morning Alec calls me and says, "Brian, Darren and Jules have gone missing." So I figure that Darren found a way to tap that ass, which I didn't think was going to happen because Jules can totally kick Darren's ass, he's like her bitch or something. But Alec, Ray and me hook up and figure out that since the van was still there, and some flashlights and stuff were missing from the toolbox that Jules and Darren probably tried to follow that guy.
It's morning now so I figure that all the vampires are probably asleep. So I feel pretty safe when we go through the same back window that Darren and Jules went through, see the trap door open, and find the bigass hole in the ground. Ok, I'm not scared of the dark, or small place, or big holes in the ground, but that place was rank! I didn't want to go in but I don't want to look like a pussy so I went first.
Turns out there's this tunnel underneath the St. Johns bridge. It's even labeled "St. Johns bridge" with some spray paint. We look around for a while and find some rooms full of some homeless people's stuff. The rooms also have signs, but these have people's names on them. One end of the tunnel seems to go uphill for a while, so we turned around and walked downhill. Then the tunnel is blocked off by big piece of sheet metal, the kind you see over construction holes in the road.
So I kick it down. I see dead people, I've seen vampires go all catty and grow fangs, I've seen some GL elf guy (Ray's daddy) on a horse and bringing guys who look like they're all from that movie. You know, that movie that has the guys with swords and armor and crap and they're fighting all those buff ugly dudes? And they're in that tunnel and they fight that really big ugly guy and he's all "Raaah!" and they're all "Yaaah!" Anyway, my point is this: I've seen all that and I wasn't up for this:
Jules was tied up and wearing a Tarzan bikini! She was all spread-eagled on this big table.
Oh yeah, Darren was also tied up and there were a bunch of these seven-foot tall guys with green or blue skin, horns on their head and big teeth. The trolls were all sitting at tables and the whole thing looked like a cafeteria. I think one of them had on a chef's hat and a shirt that said "Kiss the cook." That same one, I think he's the boss, he points a cleaver at us and says "Hurgi Murgi!" And Alec says "ew look, Portland has a Troll infestation."
So I'm all about backing up into the tunnel so that these Trolls have to come through the doorway to get us. I figure I can take them out with my Easton while they try to get through the door. But Ray and Alec run up towards the front of the room to try and rescue Jules and Darren, so I have to follow.
The fight was waaaay confusing. It was like one end around play that lasts a minute or so. So I'll try to keep it simple. I start wailing on trolls with my Easton, but pretty soon there are four of them pounding on me. Ray uses her Wicca magic to explode some oil lanterns that were on the tables but runs right into a backhand that's going to leave her face all swollen and purple for a week or two (how's she gonna explain that one to her parents?). Alec just gets stomped by a couple of trolls and he's in trouble. Somehow, Darren and Jules get free and they start jumping around way at the front of the room.
Ray keeps exploding lamps, Darren likes that idea and starts throwing and kicking lamps himself, and Jules keeps jumping around and kicking trolls. Alec is lying on the ground getting cranked and all I can see is all the trolls around me. They keep cracking me with their fists, but I'm tough and I can take it. It takes two shots from my Easton to put one down.
Jules starts throwing tables onto groups of trolls (why didn't I think of that?) and Ray starts to float knives and forks and glass and stuff and starts stabbing trolls with the stuff. The trolls who jumped Alec start to take him away and Darren goes all psycho and starts cutting off troll heads with a cleaver. I knew that boy could kick ass, I just hadn't seen it yet. Maybe he just has to get really pissed first?
Darren chases the trolls who are carrying Alec out the door and Ray follows him. Jules and I are fighting the rest of the trolls when I get grabbed by a couple while a third just lays into me. I figure I'm about to get mudholed. That's when Jules does this awesome spin kick and takes out both trolls that are holding me! It was friggin awesome 'cause that floppy bikini thing doesn't you know, connect at the bottom and Jules don't have any underwear! So I tackle the guy that punched me BAM! and Jules stomps his nads hard and she tells me to run away.
I don't run away! It's not my style, you know? But I can't let all the gang run around in the tunnels without me help so I have to follow Jules when she runs. We need to catch up to Darren and Ray, and find out where the trolls are taking Alec.
To Be Continued...